Thursday, March 1, 2007

I wanna see movies of my dreams...

It's interesting how time changes things you thought were going to last forever. Your angst-ridden teenage years are full of "nevers" and "forevers" and "alwayses." For example, "You never let me do anything and always hate me so I'll hate you forever." Yeah, being a teenager is hard.

When I was 16 and 1/2, the boy I had been dating for just over one year dumped me. I don't remember why, and it really doesn't matter now, but the point is that it was sudden and I was literally heart-broken. I started crying and then crying harder, and in the midst of my grief thought that maybe calling a friend would help.

Of course, it makes things easier for that friend if they can understand what you're saying, which is hard when you're hyperventilating and all they can hear is "R-r-r-rachel uhuhuhuh oh so huffhuffhuffhuff..." and so on. I believe I called three people that day, all of them named Rach(a)el, and all of them baffled as to what exactly happened, although I'm sure the sobs gave them the gist.

I've never cried harder over a boy, but when I realized that Peter Pan wasn't actually going to sprinkle me with fairy dust and fly with me to Neverland, I might have been close.

The only time I've ever (except church functions) cried in public was the first time I saw him flirting with some other girl. It was about a week after we broke up, he was at a local ska show that I knew we both would be attending. He ignored me, he flirted with her, and I quietly stepped around a corner to cry. My friends and I left the concert and they did what all good friends do in those situations - they let you sob and talk about what a jerk he is, and how they could inflict pain for you.

My point is this: I found out today that he's engaged. It's weird, yes, but there's none of the teenage waterworks over it.

P.S. It's March. That's Madness!

1 comment:

Mary Mary Quite Contrary said...

Aw Allyson, Peter Pan missed you? Must have had your window shut. . .must always keep it open ;-)

I can only imagine how strange that must have been. Funny how the world seems so small when we're younger, and although the world grows as we do we never forget the tiny pocket of a place it once was to us. That's part of childhood I guess - feeling significent, at the center of our own universe where "never" and "forever" and "always" was a length of time we understood and could see the end of.

But the world gets larger, we grow up, and everything changes. Except in those wonderful moments when the world becomes small again - when those people once in our tiny universes surface somehow in our lives and we wonder if the way we say it when we were young was the right way after all ♥

Sorry. I'm rambling.