Thursday, August 18, 2011

In elementary schools, I participated in Odyssey of the Mind. If pressed to explain it with words, it most closely resembles an acid flashback, or a very happy form of PTSD. Think: me in a carrot costume, blood cells inside the human body made from plates and paper mache, a giant Hershey’s bar spouting smoke, fracture fairy tales, me as a giant sock – add in singing and a childish lack of inhibitions, and a robot that WE  BUILT in fifth grade.

Could a picture better describe it?

Yeah, there we go.

I found myself humming, “Achy Breaky Heart,” a song we used in one of our skits.  All I remember is dressing up like a penguin and singing “Achy Breaky Heart” with some minor zoologically appropriate changes – Don’t break my heart, my achy breaky heart, I just don’t think I’d understand. But if you break my heart, my achy breaky heart, I can’t get my fish out of the sea. I don’t know the lyrics to the actual song, just that version.. I don’t want to know, either – because no country music star can top three second graders dressed as penguins performing the song in front of a bunch of confused adults in some Midwestern high school classroom.

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Thanks to Netflix "Instant Watch," this is the background on the computer:

Also we probably both have a crush on Patric Stewart.

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Humorous blogs I read - and you should too?

Blog:The Bloggess
Type: Personal humor blog
Also: A lot of adult language/themes, hilarious

Blog: XKCD
Type: Math/physics/nerdy humor comic
Also: A little adult language;themes; hold your cursor over the comic for author commentary

Blog: Message with a Bottle
Type: A stay-at-home dad writes messages on Post-It notes to keep sane
Also: Some adult language and themes

Blog: To Be to Mars
Type: Personal humor blog
Fave: Like, all of them
Also: Great

Blog: Verbal Vomit
Type: Personal/pop culture humor
Fave: and
Also: Weird pictures, totally worth it

Blog: Hyperbole and a Half
Type: Hilarious
Also: I laugh so hard I cry

Blog: Hipster Hitler
Type: Just what sounds like
Fave: Most all of them
Also: Just go

Monday, May 9, 2011

Happy belated Mothers' Day to my mom.

I drew a smiley face on my thumbnail during Relief Society and she said it looked lecherous. We both laughed too hard to sing the closing song.


Thursday, May 5, 2011

Late night is difficult time for me. Things I've thought in the past 5 minutes:

- what do I need to do tomorrow?
- what time do I need to get up tomorrow?
- I should go to bed
- what if I've developed a taste for blood?
- am I a horrible friend?
- I should bake a cake
- should I write a blog about this?
- I should rename all my boards on Pinterest with clever names
- If Jon is already asleep, will he really know if I don't brush my teeth?
- Will Jon read this and realize he is a major contributor to my dental hygiene?

Monday, April 11, 2011

How To: Erase your Library Fines

Tonight after my fitness boot camp, and before a trip to the grocery store, Jon and I stopped by the library to grab a movie. We were browsing the selection when a woman came up to me and said, "you've won the prize for best t-shirt." I looked down and realized I was wearing my "I Heart my Public Library" t-shirt; I own only two shirts with any writing on them (my body is not your billboard=). She told me that the librarians liked it so much they would forgive my library fines, and asked for my library card. I looked over to the circulation desk to see a trio of nodding, smiling librarians. Two minutes later, all $6 of my fines were obliterated.

Completely flattering picture of me, after working out. I am pumped that this shirt just paid for itself.
I should start wearing my "I heart vegetarians" t-shirt around town. Maybe someone will give me some free veggie burgers.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

How can I not be in love when Jon sends me this:

Meat Wheats Snake Promo
Idea 32:

(a heavy  beat)

(Snoop Dog enters with box of Meat Wheats)

Snoopt Dog:

Yo Meat Wheats! a tasty treat
One-third grains, two quarta pounds o' beef
Snack on these ya gonna bring the heat!

(cut to shot of Shaquille O'neal dunking a basketball sized chunk of meat)

( blend to shot of Shaquille O'neal and Snoop Dog cruising a low rider that has "Meat Wagon" air brushed on the hood.)

(Close with superimposed logo and trademark- "Meat Wheats: the medium-rare crackers")

When I'm having a bad day, I remind myself that this is why I married Jon. All the advertising ideas for abhorent products a girl could wish for.

Thursday, December 9, 2010

When I see Olive Garden commercials, my first thought is never "that looks delicious." It is always, "If I eat there, I pray I don't look as stupid as those people."

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

I'm wondering at what point in my life 5 minutes of extra sleep will NOT equal skipping a shower. I always thought it would be something that just happened - like becoming a "morning person" or not leaving my personal belongings all over my house (and other people's houses). But none of those things have happened yet and at this point all these habits are pretty ingrained. So I hope Jon gets use to a sleepy, grouchy, messy wife. Good thing I'm so good looking.

Saturday, April 10, 2010

More Spam

Y old Reinhardt, smitten with an admiration as unconcealed for the
beautiful stranger. In the interval before the arrival of the later
members of the quartet, he fluttered
around her like
an ungainly old
moth, racking his scant English for complimentary speeches. These
were received by Aunt Victoria with her best calm smile, and by
Professor Saunders with open impatience. His equanimity was not
restored by the fact that there chanced to be rather more general
talk than usual that evening,
leaving him but small opportunity for his tete-a-tete.
It began by the arrival

of Professor Kennedy, a little late, delayed at a reunion of the
Kennedy family. He was always reduced to b

This came from Quirke Dieken (which I'm pronouncing Quirky Deacon), and I honestly need more. The way it just cut off mid sentence is killing me.