On long car trips your car becomes an extensions of yourself as you compare it with the other cars that were, in our case, passing us.

Our car was the equivalent of the chubby, cross-eyed kid with asthma. And we were friends with him. As the rich kids, fast kids, and jocks passed us with their friends, we couldn't help but feel a little ashamed. Embarrassed of our little friend who was taking us across the country...ever so slowly.

So we derived pleasure the same way all outcasts and losers do - by taunting others. Jon is adept at using cars in neighboring lanes to trap a car that moves too fast for his liking.

In New Mexico he sprained an ankle. Waiting on the side of the road we were rocked back and forth by semis trucking through. The football linebackers of the road. Behemoths.

I've read other blogs and thought this could be a place for me to post pictures of me and Jon doing boring things.

But that would not be as exciting as this following conversation regarding a bike we were selling:

HI NICE BIKE BUT YOU HAVE THE FRONT FENDER ON BACKWARDS.
THANKS.
RICHARD

I replied: sorry for offending your sensibilities.

He said: IF YOUR SELLING A $75.00 BIKE FOR $275.00 I THOUGHT YOU SHOULD AT LEAST ASSEMBLE IT CORRECTLY ?

I shot back: If you're (not your) offering advice you should take off CAPS LOCK. And be sure of your punctuation? Or was that really a question?

Then I felt a little guilty, so I said: You are right that the fender is on backwards, we'll fix that. Thanks for that. But if it had at all sounded like your advice was meant to help rather than to be a jerk, maybe you wouldn't sound so arrogant and condescending. Then again maybe that's what you were going for.

But seriously that guy was a douche.

My life has been so much better since Jon started fielding calls from people looking to buy our stuff and put "don't call if you're stupid" clauses in it.

Working in healthcare is strange because "weekends" are usually not Saturday and Sunday. This throws your week out of sync with those around you.

But the other day we saw a crowd watching some sort of sporting event and I had no idea what month it was. I was freaking out because I didn't know if it was February or June and if either of those was "Football Season"

So far selling the contract at our apartment has been less fun than I anticipated.

Before I explain, I should say that I believe stupid people will always be stupid. Jon argued that they can go to school, but I don't mean uneducated people, I am talking about stupid people. There are people who can go through all sorts of school and still be stupid. Like the girl in one of my senior dietetics classes who asked, "Wait, the Jews agreed to the experiments the Nazis were going to perform on them?" This missed the point of our lesson. And the Holocaust.

So one girl yesterday asked if it was okay they could not move until August. I said unless you are willing to pay the two months rent, not really. Then she asked me a BUNCH of questions and wanted to come see it. So then she came over with her fiance (his name is Lane which I think sums up them). They looked around....and then the stupid questions began.

- Does the refrigerator stay (it matches the stove and have you ever known anyone in provo to bring a fridge with them?
- What stays with the house (which isn't stupid but was a question)
- Is this chandelier yours? (this one floored me. The large chandelier that is clearly part of the house, looks antiqued, and is a chandelier.)

I wanted to tell her that yes it was ours, along with the wood flooring that rolled up and the walls as well, so they would need to bring their own.

Wailing and Gnashing

Last night at midnight was the magical union of thousands of Cinderellas with their princes. But there is a problem with Cinderella, and that is she always has those ugly stepsisters hanging around with her. In fact, with those hags she isn't actually Cinderella. In the (non-Disney) story her sisters give her that name, Cinderella, and it seems that through instead of despite their efforts she becomes the person the Prince (arbitrarily) chooses to marry.

So without her sisters Cinderella does not exists; they created her and define her.

And thus, when the Princes selected their Cinderellas last night they left in their blissful wake a slew of warts and thick eyebrows, and the wailing and gnashing of teeth by the Unchosen Stepsisters.

Beginning Wednesday morning, some will cut of their toes to fit into shoes and win a prince. And I thought the US of A wasn't supporting torture anymore.

Dear BYU,

Hey, what's up? My name is Allyson Hamacher. Soon it will be Allyson Hubner. I've just been too lazy to get my name officially changed, and honestly my Arizona license doesn't expire until 2051 and I don't want a Utah license. I'm getting off topic, it's just been a while since we've talked and I have so much to say to you.

Like this: I purchased an item from you store nearly 1 year ago. It was expensive, although a deal compared to some other stores. Unfortunately, I have discovered that this item is no good. It does not work, at least not without a part I would need to purchase from another store. Some of them are expensive and I have had little luck finding a moderately price one, or even one that I really like. For all these reasons, I would like to exchange this item for another one. Perhaps one that does not need other parts.

If this letter was unclear, I mean that I'm tired of this Dietetics "degree" that is (right now) a piece of paper that certifies me as having graduated college. I understand that having this "degree" will help me cook (oh yeah, I got married too if that makes you at all sympathetic - I hear you like people doing that) and eat nutritiously. But right now I would prefer a "degree" that would make me feel:

1. less dead in the water
2. like I didn't waste my money
3. smart(er)

I appreciate your time, and look forward to hearing from you

Allyson Elizabeth Hamacher (Hubner)

Jon and I differ over whether Maury's "Man or Woman?" shows are the worst. Or the BEST.

I should apologize about all the mean things (and there were many) that I said about our MIA girl scout. It turns out she is in our ward. And rides a tiny bike. And has a lisp.

And I said some horrible things about her.

Plus her brother said some pretty funny things in church on Sunday. He's a little chubby, 12, and has a shaved head. He looks like a mini-Bruce Willis. At the end of this testimony he said, "Well....amen?!" and shrugged and walked away. As if to say, "What else do you want from me??"

Remember getting dumped? Or stood up?

I wonder why she never stops by, or comes by like she promised. I had so many hopes and dreams about how it would be.

Those Girl Scouts are all liars.