Friday, August 10, 2007

WTF? OMG that is SNF

The other day Heather was trying to convince Adam to start a blog. She said we didn't gossip, but I'm going to. It's ok, though, these aren't real people. The kind with souls, or emotions. These are my landlords.

These people, who we'll call John and Mary Carlson, have been lording my land for nearly two years. I've had some interesting experiences with them. Some have made me cry, some have made me laugh bitterly, and some have made me thankful that I was raised by cannabalistic pedophiles instead of them.

There was the time they had a garage sale - in our yard. Did I say "the time," because I mean the two times. The first one we were told to move our cars from the driveway that is at the house I pay $255/month for. The second time I simply woke up to find (not our landlord or landlady) but our landlord's sister. She had the disposition of a kimono dragon, which I understand is not a very friendly or loving one. There was all sorts of garage sale junk and garage salers in my yard at the house I pay $255/month for. I wasn't too happy.

Last night I vacuumed my room with this little beaut:

I sucked up a piece of popcorn and then the basement smelled like burnt popcorn. This household appliance is at least 10-years-old. One of my favorite things John Carlson has ever said to me concerns this Simplicity 5000.

(circa September 2006)
Me: Hi, John. This is Allyson from the house on 7th North. The vacuum isn't working and it's actually spitting more dirt all over the place.
John: Well I don't know why it would do that. It's a brand new vacuum.

Brand new?? Maybe around the same time that Fresh Prince was actually fresh, or maybe you meant that since you bought it from DI a couple years ago it was brand new to you. Either way, this vacuum sucks and my landlords are a living in a fantasy world where everything you buy from DI works like new.


Andrew said...

Maybe you could arrange a yard sale on their driveway. Maybe they just don't know how much an inconvenience it is. Yeah that is probably it.

heathen said...

Oh Allyson, I love you! And your landlord-woes. You gave me a mighty fine giggle.

heathen said...

Oh yeah, and I've failed at recruiting. I'll keep working on it.

fuzzy florals and hummus said...

3 things:
1. it's komodo dragon
2. the vaccum actually DOESN'T suck. Thus being the problem.
3. I would Lord your Land anyday